As I have not been able to work and be a mother at the same time, due to my body not cooperating, I have felt that I have not contributed for many years. Contributed to what, you may wonder… Well, contributed to the family’s economy and to the country’s workforce, to life in general, to my self, to the life of my kids, to my husband’s well-being… the conscience gnaws all the time – for everything…
When I was younger I didn’t think that working would mean this much, but it does. It defines you in ways you don’t think about before you can’t work..
Now that the children are older and can manage without mum having energy to spare all the time, I have started working again. Not full time, but a little bit. It has contributed to better mental health, but also a poorer functioning body. Exercise doesn’t happen, because I simply don’t have the energy for it, despite the fact that I don’t even work 50%. It’s insanely frustrating and tiring, because I want so much more!
So what to do – what to do?
Keep working a little? Give up some of the jobs (yes, there are several, but all of them very small)? Continue to try to find a balance between everyday life and work? Exercise and then see what I can manage on the side? Give up working and go back to the way it was, when I could manage to exercise?
What will giving up work do to my mental health? Will my everyday life be better? Will my energy levels increase? Who knows? I really wish I knew what to do! I like working, I want to work. But I also want to have the energy to do things with my family, go to handball matches without having to sleep afterwards, go for long walks with my husband and exercise for my health…